Thursday, May 13, 2010

PORN SURFERS LOVE TO SCREW GOOGLE ANALYTICS



Being the blog-star I am (NOT!!) I get this question a lot from female bloggers –
“I DON’T GET IT, WHY DO I GET A TON OF VIEWS, BUT NOBODY SPENDS TIME ON MY SITE?”



The simple one word answer is PORN!

Now here’s a bit more of a detailed answer. i-Dollars to e-donuts you probably get most of those two second blog glances late at night. WHY? Because men (myself included) are porn surfing pigs. I compare it to Magellan the explorer. Sure he knew he was going to sail around the world. But truthfully, Magellan wasn’t sure what to expect. Same when it comes to guys masturbating. The goal is to get our rocks off, but we’re not sure how that’s going to happen. We just type in a few words in google, and off we go on our sinful odyssey.

“BUT MY ARTICLES ARE INNOCENT!!”

Is usually what a woman blogger might say next. And to that I say – NOT REALLY. I use my blogger bud Ally (Fourth Grade Nothing) as an example. She wrote an article on a boy band that gets a ton of hits and views. Now while I’m sure most are from her loyal fans, some are also from porn seekers. Here’s what I bet they (horny guys) wrote in the Google search page that brought them to Ally’s article…

Boy band busty groupies

Boy band Britney pics

Boy band concert pics of busty girls

Boy band backstage hot girlfriends

Of course when they get to Ally’s blog they realize there’s no porn on it, and quickly journey onward. BASICALLY ANYTHING YOU WRITE, A GUY HAS USED THOSE SAME WORDS TO SEARCH FOR PORN.

On behalf of the males, I do apologize. But just so you know, we ain’t changin’ our stripes...ever. If there is free porn on the web we will seek it out, no matter which blogs get in our way. Harsh fact of blogging life I know.

God Bless.



Stumble Upon Toolbar

18 comments:

  1. Dude, I saw your new post pop up and was like, "What the what? We just talked about this an hour ago via email!" Ha ha.

    Here's the thing that makes me crazy, how is it that their time on site is less than ONE second? I mean, hitting on a site is at least a few seconds, no?

    Also, they're seeking this exact phrase "Justin Bieber looks like Dani" which is exactly what the short post is about ... there's nothing porn about seeking that phrase. I did ONE lone post that has nothing to do with my blog topic.

    Hubs even scolded me for going off-retro topic. That one post has netted a gazillion hits. SO all of you bloggers out there, go write about how Justin Bieber looks like Dani who was on MTV's Shot at Love with Tila and watch the hits flow in!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. That comment said, "Oh and thanks for the mention" ... but alas I had a typo :(

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh and one more thing (sorry to blow up your comment area) ... my issue is they are seeking exactly what I'm serving up in that stupid post, yet are NOT reading it. This was why I was bitching to you before.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I know must write a post about busty boy bands and throw in Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga and porn. I could do that, I like a challenge!

    ReplyDelete
  6. And I won't EVEN mention some hits I've had, for one of my grandkids nicknames! Yikes!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think 99% of my blog traffic comes from a link to a picture of Miranda Kerr. I guess it's not surprising... it's a pretty sexy picture.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I will not comment on your gay porn surfing habits Creeper.

    OH, and thanks a BUNCH, for mentioning my AWESOME Google Analytics you dick licker! OH wait! I wasn't supposed to tell anybody that was the porn you surfed was I ????

    Sorry Creeper!

    Bambi

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh crap. Tomorrow's post mentions titties. I'm so screwed.

    ReplyDelete
  10. haha, gross! Hmm... my latest post on seeing the play "Wicked" probably got a few accidental google searches. haha.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Following from Friday Follow. Interesting post, I'm almost sorry I know that now porn surfing creepers are stumbling on my pretty, pink, innocent blog.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I also think there are plenty of guys just trolling and haunting female blogs, looking for pictures of "real" girls for masturbating purposes. Of course, this is even creepier than the idea that they're just randomly searching for pornographic keywords, so sorry for bringing it up.

    For what it's worth, my most popular entry of the past month, with about 166 page views, is about Dash Worthington of The Daily Show. This is primarily because I'm one of the few sites that has written about him. Not so surprisingly, my second most popular post (132) is about the episode of Community when Troy gets a monkey and names it... Annie's Boobs. Both are by far the most common search engine words used to get to my blog.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I can't even imagine how many people have found your blog after searching for 'How to remove hooker blood stains'....

    ReplyDelete
  14. Finally someone had the balls to say it.

    ReplyDelete
  15. LOL this was great. Makes me wonder how many people stumble upon my blog when looking for porn. I know I haven't.

    ReplyDelete
  16. How do you guys even get this information? How do you know about the searches that lead to your sites and how long someone is sticking around?

    ReplyDelete
  17. How do you find out how much time one spends on Blogger?

    ReplyDelete

 
Custom Search